you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
