one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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