I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
