His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
