dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
