Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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