Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize