I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
