it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just invented taco cereal.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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