how can u be prego again
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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