So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
