does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize