She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize