when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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