Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
