he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
