If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
