I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize