This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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