you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
