just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
