this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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