You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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