Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
