You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
