You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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