I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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