I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
