I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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