8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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