It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
how does that bad decision feel?
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