By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
