the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
