Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
