His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
be right there i have to get my cape
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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