it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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