On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
