I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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