somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
