dude i'm inner monologue high
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
