i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Idk if I want to put a bra on
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize