i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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