Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
