the new term for farting is butt boxing.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
