Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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