i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
