he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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