Who did Billy Mays play for?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
