haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
