one two three fourrrrnication!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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