Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
