I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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