just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
