May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
