I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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