im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
