respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
