Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
