im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize