She is in my trunk
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
