if i can run in heels then i can drive
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
