Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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