Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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