We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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