I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
