I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize