Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize