yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize